After: A personal journey through loss - Vladyslava Vasyliuk

Vladyslava Vasyliuk is the wife of the fallen Su-27 pilot, Hero of Ukraine, Denys Vasyliuk—known as “FLASH,” a legend of the Ukrainian skies.

After losing the love of her life, Vladyslava began documenting her journey through grief in a video diary, which she shares on social media to support and inspire others who are also navigating loss.

In this deeply personal account, she shares her path through darkness and the invisible threads that have guided her forward.

The day I received that phone call—the one that told me my beloved Denys was gone—my life was split into “before” and “after.”

When his heart stopped beating, something inside me shattered forever. It felt as though I had died alongside him. Everything I once knew and loved vanished in an instant. I became a shadow of my former self.

I have been battling this pain, emptiness, and darkness for nearly five months now.

Every day, I try to find the strength to keep going. Denys’ love lives within me, and I want it to be my anchor, my source of strength. I try to embrace new possibilities and find joy in small moments because he was always my guiding light in the darkness.

The first three months passed in a haze of adrenaline and shock. But now, I find myself face to face with my grief. I acknowledge it, I feel it, and at times, it seems to consume me. Still, I hold on—because of the people around me. My friends, my parents, and even strangers who reach out to support me.

I often wonder what I would do without them.

A person needs a person

This, perhaps, is the most important truth that helps one endure loss.

There is nothing more complicated than feeling alone in a sea of emotions. But when someone is willing to listen—to your fears, doubts, and tears—even the deepest pain becomes just a little more bearable.

And though there are moments when it feels like the world has stopped, the people closest to me remind me that life goes on. I know that I am not alone in my grief, and that knowledge gives me the strength to keep moving forward, even on the darkest days.

Their love and support are what keep me from falling.

Love for Denys remains my greatest strength

Denys taught me that true love does not fade with physical absence. Every time I feel alone, I remember how much he believed in me, how he supported my dreams and aspirations. The memory of his strength, courage, and sincerity gives me resilience. I try to be as strong as he was in his fight.

Every day, I strive to live in a way that honors his memory. I know he would want me to be happy. I feel his presence watching over me, giving me the strength to keep going, to never give up. I believe that our love has no expiration date. It lives within me, and I want to share it with the world—by telling our story and supporting those who are experiencing similar loss.

I am grateful to him for allowing me to feel such profound love and for teaching me how to keep living while honoring his memory. I carry this love in my heart, and I will continue to share it with the world.

The role of memory in healing: A video diary that helps mend hearts

For me, it is not only important to preserve Denys’ memory but also to share his story with others. After losing the love of my life, I decided to start recording video diaries on social media—to honor his memory and document my journey through this difficult chapter of life. So far, I have published 16 parts. In each video, I open my heart, speaking about the emotions and challenges I face, as well as the moments that remind me of him.

As a psychologist, I also share my professional insights on grief and how to support others who are going through similar hardships. My diaries have become a space where I can express my feelings while also offering comfort to those who need it.

I hope that by watching my video diaries, you will find something meaningful—whether it be support, inspiration, or simply the reassurance that you are not alone in your pain.

Denys’ memory lives on in these videos, and I take pride in keeping his presence alive through my words and the work I do.

Staying active helps me keep going

I continue to learn, work, and take photographs—it keeps me from sinking into the pain and helps me stay in motion. I try to fill each day with meaning.

Creativity has also become an important outlet for me. I take photos, write, and record video diaries. These creative pursuits help me maintain my emotional well-being, find joy in simple things, and remind myself that life goes on—even when it feels like everything has been lost.

Signs of his presence

I am convinced that Denys is still with me, even if not in a physical sense.

At times, I feel like he sends me signs through people or events. For example, on my birthday, two strangers unexpectedly gifted me free tickets to a dolphinarium. It felt as if Denys wanted to do something special for me.

That same day, by pure chance, I won a swim with the dolphins. I knew it was his gift—his way of supporting me, even from afar. And whenever I feel overwhelmed by grief, I often receive calls from friends or experience small, unexpected moments of kindness. I know it’s his way of reminding me that he is still here, watching over me.

The natural process of grief

Grief is a natural—though deeply painful—part of life and an essential stage of emotional growth. I embrace my emotions without fear or shame, without trying to suppress them. This acceptance gives me the strength to move forward and adapt to my new reality.

When I acknowledge and accept my grief, I find it easier to stay grounded in the present and call things by their true names. I don’t seek escape in illusions; instead, I try to face my feelings head-on, recognizing their truth. This allows me to focus on what I truly feel and, in doing so, find a sense of freedom.

This approach helps me gain a deeper understanding of my emotions, recognize their nature, and, ultimately, find my way to healing. Accepting rather than avoiding my emotions helps me maintain clarity in my thoughts and feel stronger within myself.

As a psychologist, I also want to emphasize the importance of remembering that grief is a deeply personal experience. We all process loss in our own way, and that’s okay. It’s important not to pressure ourselves or compare our journey to others. Grief has no set stages or timelines—that’s what makes it unique. Accepting this truth has helped me overcome the fear of my own emotions.

Speaking about your needs

Even the people closest to us cannot always anticipate our needs, especially in times of grief. When we experience loss, it is crucial not to isolate ourselves with our emotions but to openly express what we need. I am learning to communicate my needs, and I hope my experience inspires others to do the same.

Do not be afraid to voice your wishes—this is the key to receiving the support you need. Many people want to help but may not always know how. By sharing our needs, we give those around us the opportunity to understand how they can truly be there for us.

Everyone has the right to support, and being open about our needs helps reduce feelings of isolation. Do not hesitate to express what you need—it is not a sign of weakness but a reflection of strength and emotional maturity. Honest communication can strengthen relationships and bring relief not only to you but also to those who genuinely want to help.

Life is more than just pain

Even after such a profound loss, I try to find moments of joy and gratitude. Denys was a person who brought light into my life, and I want to continue carrying that light forward, sharing it with others. Life is not just about pain and suffering—it is also about small joys, the warmth of those around us, and the ability to see beauty even in the darkest times.

This life gave me someone truly unique and sincere, and if I were asked whether I would choose to relive those nine years knowing how they would end, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second—I would do it all over again.

This project is implemented with the support of the European Union and the International Renaissance Foundation as part of the joint initiative “European Renaissance of Ukraine.”