After. By Daria Ulman

We continue the conversation about the deeply personal and difficult experience of losing a loved one. Unfortunately, every day in our country, someone loses a close, cherished, and dear person to war. We believe that it is important not only to speak about the sorrow of loss but also about how to navigate this journey. We asked those who have endured the hardest stages to share their experiences—where to find strength and resources for oneself when surrounded by darkness.

Dariia Ulman, a marketer, activist, and the wife of fallen serviceman Kyrylo Ulman, shares her personal journey through grief. Her candid story follows below.

I talk a lot about my husband, but I find it incredibly difficult to speak about the fact that he is gone.

During our time together, we built our own rules, traditions, and little symbols for each other.

One way I find solace is through the feeling that my beloved is always near. I wear two wedding rings, and as a ritual, I put on the one he gave me when he proposed whenever I have an important meeting—it gives me strength and a sense of calm. In my pocket, I always carry the military patch he had with him.

Experiencing one stress after another in life, I have always turned to sports. Exhausting workouts have been my way of recovery—they have been with me for 14 years. One of my key approaches to healing is through physical endurance.

Having an athletic background, I decided to attend military training courses. My first motivation was to connect with what my husband was so passionate about. He had mastered every weapon available to him and would always speak about them with enthusiasm. Now, when his comrades—who have become my friends—see the same fire in my eyes, they tell me that he and I share the same thrill for challenges.

The second reason was to help other women find themselves in this space. Many of them hesitate, held back by fear. And sexism is still common—women are often underestimated in the military and in training.

Yes, we may be physically weaker, but we are more composed, more resilient, and capable of enduring pain that is beyond imagination.

The People Around Me

This is such a difficult yet crucial aspect.
With the start of the full-scale invasion, I changed my circle, and that’s when I met the love of my life. Now, my circle has changed once again.

I deeply admire the people who stand by me. This is the kind of friendship and support where you don’t need to communicate every day, yet these people have proven—not just with words—that they are willing to share my pain.

Emotions

I allow myself to cry. Interestingly, this is also something connected to our traditions as a couple. My husband and I agreed to be open with our feelings and emotions, which helped us build such a strong bond. As Kyrylo used to say: “Kitten, it feels like we’ve been married for 10 years, even though we’ve only just met.”

So every day, I cry—and sometimes, I even make an effort to intensify the feeling. After 20 minutes of sobbing and screaming, I calm down, and it gives me just enough strength to keep moving forward.

The “Subaka”

I had gotten so used to telling my husband “I love you” at least 15 times a day that losing that routine was incredibly hard. Of course, I still say it while kissing his nose in photos. But he left me another gift.

We weren’t a couple that surprised each other much, so I had even told him in advance that I planned to get a subaka (our playful word for a dog). He picked the breed, chose the name, and even managed to tell his mom that I would be getting one.

Now, at night, Kyrylo trains Bjorn, and during the day, I can kiss him 15 times, tell him how much I love him, and thank Kyrylo for this subaka—who returns the love and helps distract me. And he’s quite something! Socially active and adorable, he has even raised 9000 UAH to support his fellow shelter dogs.

Realizing That You Are Incredible

This is my message to all women: You are loved by the best people on this planet—heroes who prove their strength and resilience every single day. And so do you.

Your sacrifice—as a warrior, a wife, a sister-in-arms, a sibling, a friend—is tangible. It exists in the space around you and gives strength to others.

Support

I have found my strength in helping others. That’s why I create projects for women and offer specialized consultations to those who lack the time to navigate certain challenges. I provide free consultations to war veterans and businesses connected to the military.

Everything I do is wrapped in boundless and passionate love for my husband. It feels as though I have twice the strength because I know, without a doubt, that he is always by my side.

I admire his actions, his fight, his choices. I take pride in the fact that we are a family. Whenever I introduce myself, I say my last name with pride—so that a part of him always remains in this world.

With love for Ukraine, for Ukrainian women and men,
The Ulman Family

This project is implemented with the support of the European Union and the International Renaissance Foundation within the joint initiative “European Renaissance of Ukraine.”