“I am not a girl here, but a servicewoman”

Kateryna “Zelena” Drapiata, veteran, senior soldier, sanitary instructor of the 93rd Separate Mechanized Brigade “Kholodnyi Yar,” sister-in-arms of the Lviv branch of the VETERANKA movement

“We must continue what we started”

The turning point for me was January 2014, during the Revolution of Dignity on Independence Square in Kyiv. I myself am from Melitopol, Zaporizhzhia region. I had quite a “Soviet,” Russian-speaking environment. Despite this, I was a participant in various patriotic organizations, in particular Right Sector, so when the Maidan began, I could not stand aside.

At the moment when I arrived in Kyiv, everything was decided for me. I knew that this was exactly the time to join the resistance — to show who I am and what it means to be a patriot of my country.

At that time I was studying in my third year at the university in Melitopol. I was almost expelled from the university because I had been on the Maidan, but my mother managed to arrange for me to come back and pass all the subjects. Eventually I completed my master’s degree.

And after the events in Kyiv, the war began, so personally for me there was no other option except to join the ranks of defense. Because we must continue what we started.

The call sign Zelena

My call sign appeared back on the Maidan — on the fifth floor of the Trade Unions Building, one of the female commanders who was writing down my name said that I would be Zelena because I had green hair. I liked it — and it stayed.

“I regret that I did not get to the ‘zero line’ immediately”

At that time I was in Right Sector. It began forming the Ukrainian Volunteer Corps (DUK), and all my brothers-in-arms joined in June 2014. I joined as well.

At the base in Desna in Chernihiv region, I trained and prepared the guys. I stayed there quite a long time — the command saw me as a platoon commander and did not want to let me go on combat assignments. Sometimes I regret that I did not immediately get to the “zero line,” but the command at the time decided that I would be more useful at the base.

My guys were in Pisky and in Donetsk Airport. Some of them were killed.

“We tried to join Azov”

Later I left the DUK together with 10 other people — I wanted to take part in combat at the “zero line,” to be more useful directly in the combat zone rather than in the rear. At that time I was 20 years old.

We tried to join Azov, the 7th Battalion, but in the end the 93rd Separate Mechanized Brigade took us in. In November 2015 we finally signed contracts in Pokrovsk. For me, this brigade was and still is the best.

I served as a sanitary instructor — essentially a combat medic. At first there were four girls of us at the “zero line,” at the Butivka-Donetska mine near Avdiivka, but later I remained the only girl in the company at that position.

I carried out not only medic duties. I always told my brothers-in-arms: “I am not a girl here, but a servicewoman.” I took part in battles near Avdiivka, the Butivka-Donetska mine, Donetsk Airport, Zolote in Luhansk region, and the settlements of Novotoshkivske and Svitlychne.

“Mom, I am in Donbas”

My parents did not know that I was signing a contract — they thought I was somewhere on the Maidan in Kyiv. They had even been against me going to the Revolution of Dignity — back then I called them already from the train.

When I signed the contract, I called my mother and said: “Mom, I am in Donbas, on my native land,” because I myself was born in Luhansk region in the city of Khrustalnyi (from 1920 to 2016 the city was called Krasnyi Luch — ed.). My parents were shocked, but there was no point in trying to dissuade me anymore.

“There should be no competition between women”

By education I am an ecologist — it never came in useful anywhere. So I engaged in self-education: I studied when medics came to us, took training courses, classes, read a lot. We had a great surgeon serving with us — I assisted him during several simple operations and learned a lot from him.

Nearby were sisters-in-arms who taught me, for example Valeriia Burlakova. Although sisterhood was not yet at the same level as it is now, I felt comfortable — there should be no competition between women, we are doing one common cause. I never felt discrimination from my brothers-in-arms — only support. I have been friends with some of them for 10 years already; our families communicate and our children are friends with each other.

“The army hardened me”

Before the war I lived an ordinary life — I was in patriotic organizations, attended marches, and was rather naïve. The army hardened me greatly, helped me grow as a person — after all, I went to serve at the age of 20. I took responsibility for myself and for my people. The most important thing the army gave me was sisters-in-arms and brothers-in-arms.

But what changed me most was the full-scale war itself.

“What I remember most is my first killed and wounded”

It was my friend Kit, who was killed during the full-scale war. And also my brother-in-arms Moriachok — his death stayed with me deeply because then I realized that your entire life can end in a single second.

“There will be no women at the ‘zero line’ under my command”

My service lasted a full two years. At that time an order had just been issued that after two years of service one could leave, and in November 2017 my husband and I — we had met during service in the same unit — left the military. Later we regretted it very much.

One of the reasons was the command: the battalion commander removed me from the “zero line” with the words, “There will be no women at the ‘zero line’ under my command.” Before that there had been no complaints whatsoever. They said I would sit at headquarters and would no longer go to the line of combat engagement. When the command started “putting spokes in the wheels,” it became the main reason to leave.

“I must be where my brothers-in-arms are”

Returning to civilian life after service came relatively easily — I was returning together with my husband, and two years later we had a child. Probably thanks to my awareness, I fit comfortably into the peaceful rhythm at that time.

But what did not appear then appeared almost 10 years later — with the beginning of the full-scale war. I understood that I could not go fight: a three-year-old child, my parents in occupation. I began to have psychological problems, hysterics — I could not come to terms with the fact that I had to be here and not there, with my brothers-in-arms and my husband.

The question “Why did you even go there?” arose both then and now. That is why I never liked showing my combat veteran certificate. But my answer remains unchanged: nobody owes us anything — we made these decisions ourselves. I went to fight for territory and to save those who destroy the enemy.

“If you do not save yourself — no one will save you”

Since the beginning of the full-scale invasion, I was engaged in volunteering — together with a friend we transported cars for the military. When she went to serve, this activity paused. For the fifth year now I have been working in SMM — I manage pages for businesses, and also promoted the page of the unit where my brothers-in-arms and husband serve.

I do not know whether I have the right to advise those returning from this war — because I did not serve in it. For everyone, war is different.

But I would like to say: everything passes — memories and emotions become dulled, and you gradually enter the flow of civilian life. If you feel bad — seek specialists. This is not weakness.

Women are very strong and capable of surviving anything, no matter what happens. I can speak only about my own experience: when I felt that something was wrong with me — I turned to a psychotherapist. If you do not save yourself — no one will save you.

This publication was prepared with the financial support of the German Marshall Fund of the United States. Its contents are the sole responsibility of the VETERANKA movement and do not necessarily reflect the position of the German Marshall Fund.