Strong for the Strong. Volunteer Valentina Nalyvaiko

Valentina had to leave her hometown twice due to the war – in 2014 and in 2022. She had to start her life from scratch twice and adapt to new circumstances. But thanks to a clear motivation, she managed to overcome the homesickness and continue to help her country from abroad to improve the lives of those affected by the war. She organized large shipments of baby strollers, 9 tons of humanitarian aid, and other forms of volunteering in the UK. Let’s also talk about reevaluating values and the power of sisterhood in this interview with Valentina from England.

When did the war start for you, and how did it affect you?

I am originally from Donetsk, so for me, the war began back in 2014 when it became clear that the conflict in the east of the country was escalating, and my family had to move to the capital. My life changed incredibly from that moment on. Strangely enough, I started to stop being “apolitical,” as they say, and became more focused on people. I was shocked that a city that had always competed with the capital and believed that the capital should be in Donetsk could have such a shameful attitude and orientation towards russia.

In 2014, my father, despite his high position as the head of the Intellectual Property Inspection of Ukraine, decided to volunteer to defend his home and his country. He had recently returned from Bahmut and Sloviansk. My mother, a wise and strong woman, always kept our emotional state under control. The first crisis moment in 2014 for me was a complete change of surroundings and the start of a completely different life. It was as if I woke up from a deep sleep and began to build a life with Ukraine in my heart. The most emotional moment in 2022 that will forever remain in my memory is the opening of the Zhytomyr highway. The next day, as we drove, we saw destroyed enemy tanks, ruined buildings, and ambulances with bullet holes. We were driving as a surprise visit to my mother, and the feelings of fear, astonishment, and what we saw on that road intertwined in my mind. You drive and think that it might be the last meeting with your loved ones. The heart beats as if it wants to jump out of your chest, and the eyes are filled with tears that are so hard to hold back.

What were you involved in before the full-scale war?

Before the full-scale war began, I was a very active and busy person. I worked as a marketing specialist, helping two high quality premium furniture firms to develop. Sometimes, together with a friend who was a fitness trainer, I organized fitness tours to Egypt and the Carpathian Mountains, combining relaxation with an active lifestyle and health. In my free time from work, I conducted training sessions for women, helping them maintain their health and physical fitness. I also engaged in charity work and organized training sessions for the “In Good Hands” shelter.

How did you find yourself during the war?

I knew for sure that I wouldn’t leave Ukraine and that I would defend it in any way I could. On February 24, we met with friends and lived together for three months. On the first day, like probably all Ukrainians, we were reading the news all the time  and were constantly in touch with our relatives and friends. We wanted to help, and on the second day of the war, my friend Olena from Odesa recommended contacting a girl with the a nickname “Cuba.” After talking to her on the next day (the third day of the war), my friends and I walked from Obolon distictic  to the Women Veterans Movement headquarters. There I worked in the kitchen, peeled potatoes, and prepared meals for the military and territorial defense. I also took requests for help and aid from the military and civilians, and sometimes I had to sort things and  deliver aid. I am proud that fate led me to the Women Veterans Movement. These are incredible people who fight for the rights of women veterans and help the military and civilians during this difficult time. These are people who seem to be able to do EVERYTHING! Such organizations strengthen society and help ensure the future we all want to live in. I am so proud to be a part of this.

What kind of support did you receive from the organization?

Actually, it’s a great feeling to have such incredible people by your side. When it comes to any issues, you can turn to your “sisters” and know that they will always help you, provide the necessary support not only in words but also in actions. Sometimes it seems that the impossible becomes possible thanks to sisterhood.

Editor’s note: In May 2022, Valentina made a difficult decision to leave Ukraine for the United Kingdom. But thanks to her clear motivation, she managed to overcome homesickness and continue to help her country from abroad.

From the very beginning, when I was going to England, it was difficult for me, a heavy burden on my heart because everyone stayed in the country: someone was fighting, someone became a paramedic, someone volunteered, and I left… Although I had no intention of leaving the country, I made the decision to help my sister with her children. She became like a mother and father to them from the beginning of the war. I immediately understood that I would be involved in volunteering here to organize humanitarian aid for Ukraine. Soon, I began to encounter psychological difficulties. At first, I was scared of the sounds of passing planes, and I felt constant danger. My efforts to find humanitarian aid did not immediately yield the desired results, and over time, I began to experience panic attacks. It seemed to me that life during the war was much more comfortable for me emotionally. There, I felt useful, knew all the news, and had a clear idea of my tasks.

But the motivation to do something useful for Ukraine and our people, to improve the lives of those who remained in Ukraine and suffered from the war, gave me the moral strength.

What does your volunteer work involve, how did you establish connections, and can you provide examples of successful cases?

I arrived and started seeking help for Ukrainians from everyone: at the consulate, during English language classes, from people I was living with at the time. I asked for contacts of local volunteers. I found out that in Kent County, people gather and send aid to Ukraine using the same truck. Locals collect necessary items, and some even make arrangements with factories. When I got in touch with them, I told them about the Women Veterans Movement, and how they could and should help. Later, I learned about a shipment of baby strollers and arranged to send some of them for the needs of the movement, specifically for women displaced by the conflict. We also managed to send about 9 tons of humanitarian aid to Ukraine, including trench candles, food, a few generators, clothing for adults and children, medical supplies, bed linens, pillows, blankets, and more. Currently, I’m organizing a Ukrainian night at a local pub in Kent, where Ukrainian cuisine will be served, including dumplings, borscht, garlic bread, and lard. We also plan to start charity stretching workouts from May. The goal of these sessions is to reduce stress and support physical activity. All funds collected will go to the needs of women service members of the Women Veterans Movement who are serving on the frontlines.

I believe that the first thing Ukrainians living abroad should do is look for opportunities to help their country, rather than simply sitting and waiting for it all to end. In every country, volunteer groups have already been established by Ukrainians who have been living abroad for a long time.

What new skills have you acquired emotionally and physically during this year?

I never thought about it, but I started to understand military ammunition quality. I delved into psychology a bit, started speaking English, and felt very strong internal changes. In my heart, hatred towards all the occupiers who crossed Ukraine’s borders with weapons and towards people who support the war has been carved. Honestly, I don’t want my hatred to fade away. At least not in this lifetime. From this experience, I have developed stronger emotional bonds with my country and nationality.

What reevaluation of values has taken place in you?

At first, my priorities were focused on my career, material possessions, and social status. However, when I faced the hardships of war, my value system changed. As cliché as it may sound, the most important things in life are family, friends, health, and a clear conscience. Material possessions have become much less important to me now. I no longer care whether I’m wearing a designer dress or old clothes, using the latest iPhone or an old smartphone, or driving a fancy car or riding a bicycle – none of that matters. I’ve started to cherish not material possessions but life itself. Nowadays, a person can lose everything they’ve built over the years in an instant: their business, property, and worst of all, their loved ones. Therefore, what truly matters to me now is every life, both human and animal. I’ve learned to focus on what’s genuinely important: love, empathy, friendship, and support.

Moreover, I’ve become more open to change. War demanded constant adaptation to new circumstances, both in 2014 and in 2022, and I had to learn to react quickly to challenges and find new solutions. This experience has enhanced my flexibility and resilience, allowing me to better handle unpredictable situations.

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This publication is part of the UN Women project “Transformative Approaches to Achieving Gender Equality in Ukraine,” supported by the Office of the Vice Prime Minister for European and Euro-Atlantic Integration of Ukraine and funded by the Government of Sweden.

Olena Brutska